The stuff has hit the fan!

Ok let me see if I can remember what the last few days have been like. Friday I went over to L-loves before babysitting. Not really anything to talk about. We went swimming. Saturday L-love and I went to a party together. Had a great time. Acted like a couple. And the acting like we were a couple felt really good and right. We went back to his place and went to bed. But nothing happened. Woke up Sunday morning, had coffee. I went home to shower and do a few things. Went back over to his place to watch world cup. He said he invited a bunch of people but the only person who was there was Allie. Allie is L-loves old girlfriend from 3 years ago. I have meet her before. She is really sweet and a total sweetheart. Fast forward to Allie and I talking on the front porch about annoying people. I said "oh it's like L-loves friend Alex. God, she was annoying." To which Allie says "who's Alex?" Then she starts getting jealous and asking me more questions about Alex being L-love's girlfriend. Is he just effing her? All of the sudden I start to realize that Allie has no idea what L-love has been doing away from her. She has no idea he has other women in his life, some are friends and some are not. I tried to calm Allie down and tell her she has nothing to worry about. To which she tells me that L-love is the only man she has ever slept with. OH NO!!!!! Allie has no idea about me, much less about Alex or any of the other woman L-love has banged since they broke up 3 years ago. And since she is freaking out so bad she must be sleeping with him NOW. And if my math is anywhere near right. She has slept with him recently. I slept with him last week. OH GOD NO!!!! I realized this was bad bad bad. After getting Allie to relax I went inside and decided I better tell L-love now that I effed up. Because if he finds out later, it is going to be so much worst. I told him while Allie was in the bathroom. He told me to get the eff away from him, I went into the bathroom and when I came out it was like nothing happened. We all ate dinner together. I got so freaked out by the completely effed up-ness of it that I left after dinner. I sent a text message to L-love when I left that said, "I can not express my disappointment in myself. I'm so very sorry." then about an hour later I sent another that said "I'm ready for phase out. K? I think it's best." I got no response from the text. I called him and asked that he please respond. I know he screwed up but I did too. And what the eff I have gotten myself into. This is a crazy situation. So fast forward to this morning at work. I'm a wreck, I am realizing that I love this man that has just treated me and another woman like shit. AND I LOVE HIM! I'm questioning why I feel what I feel and why I let myself get into this weird bad effed up place. L-love called, which is good because if you haven't figured it out yet dear reader, we were drunk last night. He called to get the story. I told him the truth, then added "if you really care about Allie then you'll tell her the truth." And then he hung up on me. So I called him back, and he said " Look just don't talk to me for a few days, ok?" We didn't even get into how effing mad at he I am. He's mad at me?

So do you think we'll be friends again? Do you think I should even talk to him again, because I kind of don't want to. I have a lot I need to tell him, including and not limited to, "WHAT THE EFF were you thinking?" "I love you." " I hate you" "I can't believe you would treat me, your friend, like this." "I can't believe you would treat Allie like this." "When are you going to grow up?" "If you get another chance with me, don’t you ever do this again." "Don't effing talk to me for a while!" "Are you coming to my birthday?" "Did I mention, I hate you?"

What do I do?

Oh and my birthday is Friday. Happy FUCKING birthday!