birthday beach celebrations

I leave tomorrow for 10 days at the beach. This beach time will be much needed for me to regroup and reboot. I have a lot on my mind these days. I have been reading a few relationship books. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and The Man Plan. The main thing I have taken from these books is, I need to figure out what I want in a man in my life. When I was seeing Summer Lover I thought I wanted just that, a summer lover. Now I think I might want a man in my life who is more permanent. Like I have said in other posts, I would like to take some baby steps and have a relationship that last more than 6 months. But when you start a relationship with someone how do you get that message across without appearing like you want a boyfriend. How do you say, I want to see where this goes because one day I might want to be with you more permanently? Most of the time when you say something like that to someone they get scared away. Thankfully, there is no one in my life who might fit into this position so I have time to figure out what I need and how I want it. So friends.... Wish me luck that I have all my relationship problems figured out by the time I get back from the beach.

While at the beach I will also be celebrating my annual 29th birthday. Today I will be celebrating my annual 29th birthday with a happy hour with friends and co-workers. I could not be more excited about it. My birthday is my favorite holiday despite the fact that I get super depressed around my birthday. Sister will be celebrating her birthday while I am at the beach. I am sad I won’t be in town to celebrate her dirty 30 with her but I know she’ll have a great time.

ever since

I wrote that I wanted a man to cook me a steak on the grill I have been craving one.

I need to find a man with a grill.

good news

Today I am 10 pounds lighter than I was a few months ago. 7 more to go.

I guess my swimming and running is paying off.

update to the list

I thought of some other things today I want/don't want in a man.

-I do not want any Debbie Downers, Negative Nancys or general bad mood all the time men. If all you have to say to me is depressing all the fucking time, find someone else. Life is depressing enough. I get depressed from time to time. Having the blues every once in a while is ok. But if I am around someone all the time who is depressed... I might shoot myself.

-I want a man who is kind to me. Who smiles at me and it is genuine. No meanies!

-I want a man who opens my door. He doesn't have to open my car door every time. But when we are going to a nice dinner, please open my car door. He should certainly open a door to a store, a restaurant/bar or the movie theater. And I should always walk before him when walking single file. If a scary person is walking down the street toward us, he should put himself between me and that scary person. And he should grab my hand and hold on tight.

-I want a man who likes my cooking, does the dishes after dinner and cooks me a steak on the grill when I don't want to cook.

And one more
-I want a man who buys me shoes.

what do I want?

What do I want?

This is the question running through my head for the last week. If I can’t figure it out, how will I ever get it? This is what I have figured out so far....

-I want a relationship that last more than 6 months.
-I want a man in my life that enjoys my family as much as I do. He won’t meet them right away but when he does he better get with the program and have some fun. My family has fun!
-I want a man who can help me with stuff around my house. When I dated Vee, I need some help and he couldn’t do it. Simple stuff like put the new shower head up or mow the lawn when he sees it needs to be done.
-I need a strong man, one who is physically strong and emotionally strong.
-I want a man who can’t keep his eyes off me. Who compliments me offend.
-I want a man who likes the same stuff I do and who wants to hang out and do those things with me.
-I want to be with someone who is drama free. I have always joked that no woman goes crazy over a man who is bad in bed but honestly I don’t need nor want anymore drama. (thank you Summer Lover for teaching me that)
-I don’t want to be with anyone who is too busy to spend time with me. (again thank you Summer Lover for teaching me that)

Side note: Speaking of Summer Lover, I ran into him this weekend. First thing that man says to me is, “your hair looks amazing. Is that a new shirt? I have never seen that before.” my response was this. “thank you. You haven’t seen every in my closet.” Then he looked at me with a look that I knew so I said, “you want this? You can’t have it anymore.” To which he replied, “You’ll fall in love with me.” What I moron!

-I want a man who can’t wait to see me again.
-I want a man who doesn’t say to me that he isn’t a good boyfriend, or that he isn’t interested in a girlfriend or that he is just looking for a good time. (Here is how I feel about these comments, when I first meet someone I am not thinking boyfriend. I want to get to know the person before I decide that. But when someone comes at me with that, it is a huge turn off. We might as well not even talk further as far as I am concerned. And to ask some girl if she wants a boyfriend is stupid when you first meet. I don’t know yet how I feel about you.)
-I want a man who will claim me as his. We don’t have to be boyfriend/girlfriend at the beginning but I want someone who thinks I could fill those shoes.

happy?

Last night I said I was happier with a man in my life. I wonder if that is really true. I wonder if I feel that way because I am lonely. I have been debating whether or not I should sign up for match.com again. Actually pay the money. I don’t like paying for things when I don’t get what I want out of them. But the free online dating sites just aren’t working. I wish things would just work out one of these times. I am fucking lonely and about to be officially old.

I'm dating the same guys over and over.

So in a drunken act of jealousy and looking for an ego boost I reactivate my Match.com profile. I had learned that Summer Lover was on Match. I snooped, I found his page, it didn’t impress me. But I left my profile up. I didn’t pay for anything just posted my profile. If you know anything about Match you know you can’t read any emails or see who has looked at you unless you sign up. I have 4 emails in my inbox and I have gotten a few winks. I am also found 5 men I have dated (including Summer Lover) and 2 who are just friends. One a knew was on Match and one I didn’t. The friend who I didn’t know was on Match send me an email to my real email account with links to his Match.com daily matches. Guess who was number 2. ME! I told him it was no wonder we are such great friends. (I also looked at the women who were “matched” to him. I felt better about myself) This morning I got a wink (you can see winks) from a man who I dated and wrote about on this blog. Check out September 2007 (Ben). That guy winked at me!

I think I have been in this town too long if every guy who is single I have already been on a date with.

all I have to say is this.

You think I am not in your league? Because you are in a better league than me?.....FUCK YOU!!!!!!

You will come back to me... I know you will and when you do.... you will be disappointed you can't have it again. BECAUSE I HAVE ALREADY WASTED TOO MUCH TIME ON YOU.

(Nothing pisses me off more than I guy who thinks he is too good to date me.)

You are a douchebag! I knew you were a douchebag when I slept with you but I went with it because I believed you when you told me you wanted the same things as me. I can't believe I was so wrong, again.

And I respectfully ask you to please take the photo taken with my camera off match.com